Relationships can be both beautiful and complicated, and sometimes, tough decisions need to be made. One of those challenging situations is when your partner is involved in drug use, and it makes you uncomfortable. In this article, we will explore the dilemma of having a boyfriend who occasionally indulges in drugs, the concerns it raises, and whether it’s reasonable to consider ending the relationship because of it.
A Loving Relationship with a Complicated Twist
My boyfriend (29) of one and a half years is a wonderful, sweet soul, and we have many shared values. I could see myself growing old with him. However, there’s a complication – he occasionally does drugs, including cocaine and ecstasy, with his former university friends. I’ve never even smoked a cigarette, and knowing about his occasional drug use makes me uneasy.
The Uncomfortable Reality
The Fear of the Unknown
Even if it’s only at parties every few months, I worry about him having a bad batch and suffering severe consequences. The fear of the unknown, the potential dangers, and the moral implications of the drug supply chain all weigh heavily on my mind. It feels like a deal-breaker issue.
Seeking a Solution
I’ve asked him if he’d be willing to stop using drugs for the sake of our relationship. He mentioned that he would consider it if we had children but hinted that he might try them again once the kids are older. I’ve even tried to raise awareness about the dangers of bad batches, but he’s pointed to statistics suggesting that he’s more likely to get injured horse riding or doing extreme sports. He also feels like I’m imposing my views on him and questions why I haven’t taken a strong stance on his weekend drinking.
The Weight of the Dilemma
As blunt as it may sound, I’d be more comfortable knowing he died while pursuing a risky sport like paragliding than due to a bad batch of MDMA. His profession also adds complexity to the situation, as I didn’t inquire about drug use early on, assuming that people in certain professions wouldn’t engage in recreational drug use.
Am I Being Unreasonable?
Am I imposing my own views and being unreasonable if I consider ending our relationship because of his drug use? This question lingers, casting a shadow over an otherwise loving relationship.
The Limits of Reason
Eleanor’s perspective sheds light on the complexity of this situation. While the rational grounds for concern, such as the risk of overdose and ethical dilemmas, are valid, there might be more to the discomfort than meets the eye.
Beyond Rational Justifications
You also mentioned that you’d be “more comfortable” if he died paragliding, even though the outcome would be the same. This raises questions about whether the issue goes beyond the dangers of drugs. Perhaps, at its core, it’s a fundamental discomfort with the idea of drug use.
Accepting Bedrock Preferences
Ludwig Wittgenstein’s idea that we reach a point where we can say nothing more may apply here. Sometimes, our feelings and preferences are bedrock, not subject to rational debate or persuasion. It’s okay to have preferences that don’t require exhaustive justification.
In the end, the decision to continue or end a relationship when faced with such a dilemma is deeply personal. Your discomfort with your boyfriend’s drug use is a valid feeling, and you are entitled to your preferences. However, it’s essential to approach this matter as a matter of strong preference rather than an objective moral argument.
Relationships are complex, and it’s not always possible to align perfectly on every issue. While you don’t have to accept his drug use, consider whether your preferences are decisive reasons for you to act. Remember that what’s right for one person may not be right for another.
1. Is it wrong to be uncomfortable with my boyfriend’s drug use?
Your feelings are valid, and it’s not wrong to be uncomfortable with your boyfriend’s drug use. It’s important to communicate your concerns and decide what’s best for your well-being.
2. Can I change my boyfriend’s attitude towards drugs?
You can express your concerns and provide information, but ultimately, your boyfriend’s choices are his own. People change when they are ready and willing.
3. How can I approach a conversation about this with my boyfriend?
Choose a time when you both can talk calmly and openly. Express your feelings and concerns without judgment, and listen to his perspective as well.
4. Are there resources available for safer drug use?
Yes, there are resources like drug testing kits and harm reduction organizations that aim to promote safer drug use. Encourage your boyfriend to explore these resources if he chooses to continue using drugs.
5. What if our values and preferences are fundamentally incompatible?
If your values and preferences are fundamentally incompatible, it may be a sign that the relationship is not a good fit. Ultimately, you need to prioritize your own well-being and happiness.